Oatmeal CookieBlog

A Cookie Soap Opera

OK. This is very tongue-in-cheek, but it's worth a few chuckles. Introducing a web-based soap opera called As the Cookie Crumbles that's sponsored by a Canadian cookie company. I know...you're probably wondering where I find this stuff. But I'll stop at nothing to find new content for you!

This clip is a preview. (After watching this I feel like I need to pull out the character map I drew up for Middlemarch back in my Victorian lit class.) To watch all the full-length webisodes, go here.

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit VIII

This time an advert for Fox's Biscuits. A wisecracking wiseguy panda? How can you not watch?

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit VII

This time from Keeping Up Appearances. (Biscuit time at the 5:25 mark.)

That's Why They Call Him Cookie Monster, Martha

Just because...

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit VI

This time a U.K. Oreo commercial. Hmmm...maybe this clip will inspire you to try out my Fake-Out-Eos.

Gratuitous Absolutely Fabulous Clip

Ah...Eddie and Patsy go to France. (This is what I looked like after a thimbleful of wine when Jon and I visited the Viansa Winery in Sonoma a couple years ago.) I can always count on Absolutely Fabulous to crack me up.

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit V

This time a cookie/biscuit rap from Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

Cookie-Buying Decorum

Note to cookie buyers: They're called cookie cutters, not cookie-line cutters.

Oatmeal Ginger Snaps = Redheads

The "Gingers for Justice" skits on The Catherine Tate Show gave me the idea for doing oatmeal ginger cookies named "Redheads." So stay tuned, ginger lovers, a cookie just for you is in the works.

Gratuitous Golden Girls Clip

I'm a cookie guy, not a cupcake guy, but this cracks me up anyway...

I Don't Even Know How to Describe This... V

Here's the backstory:

One Saturday night, Jon and I were driving around searching for Sopranos locations (P.S. They tore down Satriale's!), and we somehow came up with the brilliant idea of combining words describing sadness with the names of different foods. I think it started with "depretzel" and then just went on from there. The formula is to start with a word describing some sort of sadness and to end with a food. Here's what we have so far:

depretzels (depressed + pretzels)
melancholyflower (melancholy + cauliflower)
blue berries (blue + blueberries)
ennui sausage (ennui + anduoille sausage)
glum pudding (glum + plum pudding) from reader Lorraine
it's all in your head of lettuce (it's all in your head + head of lettuce)
malaise-onnaise (malaise + mayonnaise)
dismallows (dismal + marshmallows) from reader Laurel
watermeloncholia (watermelon + melancholia) from reader Lorraine

New: despairrots (despair + carrots) from reader Sandra
New: misory soup (misery + miso soup) from reader Sandra
New: painut bitter sadwich (pain, bitter, sad + peanut butter sandwich) from reader Sandra
New: cries pudding (cries + rice pudding) from reader Sandra
New: cryin' berries (cryin' + cranberries, with a Southern accent) from reader Sandra

Triple kudos to Sandra for "painut bitter sadwich." Anybody got an addition to the list?

I Don't Even Know How to Describe This... IV

Here's the backstory:

One Saturday night, Jon and I were driving around searching for Sopranos locations (P.S. They tore down Satriale's!), and we somehow came up with the brilliant idea of combining words describing sadness with the names of different foods. I think it started with "depretzel" and then just went on from there. The formula is to start with a word describing some sort of sadness and to end with a food. Here's what we have so far:

depretzels (depressed + pretzels)
melancholyflower (melancholy + cauliflower)
blue berries (blue + blueberries)
ennui sausage (ennui + anduoille sausage)
glum pudding (glum + plum pudding) from reader Lorraine
it's all in your head of lettuce (it's all in your head + head of lettuce)
malaise-onnaise (malaise + mayonnaise)

New: dismallows (dismal + marshmallows) from reader Laurel
New: watermeloncholia (watermelon + melancholia) from reader Lorraine

Anybody got an addition to the list?

I Don't Even Know How to Describe This... III

Another update up to the first entry!

One Saturday night, Jon and I were driving around searching for Sopranos locations (P.S. They tore down Satriale's!), and we somehow came up with the brilliant idea of combining words describing sadness with the names of different foods. I think it started with "depretzel" and then just went on from there. The formula is to start with a word describing some sort of sadness and to end with a food. Here's what we have so far:

depretzels
melancholyflower
blue berries
ennui sausage
glum pudding (from reader Lorraine)
it's all in your head of lettuce

New: malaise-onnaise (from OCG himself)

Anybody got an addition to the list?

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit IV

This time from The Catherine Tate Show. The cookie-biscuit connection here is purely tangential.

"Lavender in a cookie!? The dirty, evil..."

I Don't Even Know How to Describe This... II

Finally...an update up to the first entry!

One Saturday night, Jon and I were driving around searching for Sopranos locations (P.S. They tore down Satriale's!), and we somehow came up with the brilliant idea of combining words describing sadness with the names of different foods. I think it started with "depretzel" and then just went on from there. The formula is to start with a word describing some sort of sadness and to end with a food. Here's what we have so far:

depretzels
melancholyflower
blue berries
ennui sausage
glum pudding (from reader Lorraine)

New: it's all in your head of lettuce (from OCG himself)

Anybody got an addition to the list?

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit III

This time from Posh Nosh.

"Grab That Crab, Clarissa."

Jon and I used to love watching The Two Fat Ladies. The way they mooshed ingredients together with their hands was something to behold. Sadly, but not surprisingly, Jennifer--the fat lady with the ruby-red nail polish--died a few years ago. Must have been all the streaky bacon...and cigarettes.

Apropos of Muffin Tops... II

Some more clips from the classic Seinfeld episode.

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit II

This time from Keeping Up Appearances.

I Watch Way Too Much TV

The new season of Ace of Cakes starts tonight. Huzzah!

Apropos of Muffin Tops...

How could I not insert the "muffin top" clip from Seinfeld? It's a classic!

And for all you Blueberry Muffin Top Cookie fans out there, you might want to try my Coffee Cake Cookies. I swear they taste just like cinnamony, crumbly coffee cake topping, which, in my humble opinion, is the best part of coffee cake.

U.S. Cookie = U.K. Biscuit

This cookie/biscuit-related clip is from That Mitchell and Webb Look.

This Isn't Quite John Philip Sousa

Every year at around this time--well a little earlier than this, actually--I get Galaxie 500's "Fourth of July" stuck in my head. My favorite line: "I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit, and the dog refused to look at it."

Separated at Birth?

For all you Food Network fans out there, here's some brain clutter for you: Are Joey Fatone, of 'N Sync fame, and Guy Fieri, of Food Network's Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, long-lost brothers?

Tag...I'm It

Amelia at Stripey Dots tagged me earlier this week. Now I’m it.

The Rules:
The player answers the questions about himself. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 blogs and then leaves comments on those blogs letting the bloggers know they’ve been tagged and asking them to continue the game. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answers. (Nonbloggers are welcome to participate as well.)

What I was doing ten years ago:
1. Starting the third week of my first "grownup job."
2. Trying not to get lost on the way to my first "grownup job."

Five (nonwork) things on my to-do list for today:
1. Figure out what to do with that avocado I bought on Monday.
2. Upload the posts I drafted this afternoon.
3. Check Perez Hilton for the fiftieth time.
4. Unload and then load the dishwasher.
5. Do a facemask. (Night of beau-tay!)

Five snacks I enjoy:
1. Oatmeal cookies (Duh!)
2. Doughnuts from Doughnut Plant
3. Slim Jims
4. Salsa verde from Rosa Mexicano
5. Did I say oatmeal cookies?

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Buy a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights.
2. Learn a bunch of languages and live abroad for a while.
3. Set up trusts for all my relatives (because you know they'll have their hands out...).
4. Start an oatmeal cookie-baking business.
5. And, oh yeah, give loads away to charity.

Places I've lived:
1. Carver, MA
2. Saratoga Springs, NY
3. New York, NY

Jobs I've had:
1. Ladies' shoe stockroom boy
2. Plumbing supply warehouse floor sweeper
3. College dorm RA (A.K.A. "the guy who wrote you up for not toweling your door")
4. Publishing maven

Tag! Let's learn a little more about these fab bloggers whose blogs I enjoy:
1. The Charm City Cakes Blog
2. Cookie Madness
3. Smitten Kitchen
4. Food Network Addict
5. The Slacker Kitchen

"They're Even Better Than Yours, Wanda."

What can I say? I watch way too much TV.

Back in the day, Dunkin' Donuts had a commerical for their muffins that featured two grandmotherly ladies. The ladies were talking about how they couldn't believe how good DD's muffins were. One lady turns to the other and says, "They're even better than yours, Wanda." (Kind of like that commerical for Almost Home gravy: "Tastes like homemade...but no lumps!")

I'm trying to find this classic commercial online, but I don't have access to YouTube right now. Could any of you, my loyal readers, find the link and send it to me?

Thanks!
Oatmeal Cookie Guy

Celeb Spotting

I saw John Cullum—you know, Holling from Northern Exposure, at my grocery store tonight. He had lots and lots of Ramen in his carriage.

An Early '90s Mishmash

The SciFi Channel is showing the Indiana Jones trilogy all weekend. How could I not watch? (You call those special effects? You can totally see the painted backdrop!) And I couldn't help but put on my critical theory hat during Temple of Doom.

Between the old movies and the '90s station in my grocery store plays, I started thinking about my "formative years." A few hours later I found this Boo Radleys video on YouTube, the internet time machine. The video doesn't really start until the 0:19 mark, so stick with it. My favorite part is the girl sitting atop a mountain of fruit at the 1:30 mark. Ahhh, the randomness. A '90s Britpop/alterna-rock video wouldn't be complete without it!

"Stomp It to the Death"

I was going to bake tonight, but I remembered that the America's Next Top Model finale was on. And American Idol and Top Chef.

I think I need to get out more...

I Don't Even Know How to Describe This...

One Saturday night, Jon and I were driving around searching for Sopranos locations (P.S. They tore down Satriale's!), and we somehow came up with the brilliant idea of combining words describing sadness with the names of different foods. I think it started with "depretzel" and then just went on from there. The formula is to start with a word describing some sort of sadness and end to with a food. Here's what we have so far:

depretzels

melancholyflower

blue berries

ennui sausage

NEW: glum pudding (from reader Lorraine)

Brain Clutter

So this is the kind of stuff that takes up space in my head, causing me to say Febreze when I really mean Splenda.

There are foods whose names contain two words. The first word is an animal/person; the second word is a (body) part. But the food itself does not contain the named animal/person, nor does it contain the named (body) part.

Here’s the list I’ve been updating for a year or so…

bear claw: a wicked big donut-y thing you can get at Honey Dews in Massachusetts.
elephant ear: a big cookie-ish/pastry-ish thing.
horse's neck: an ice cream drink made with ginger ale.
buddha's hand: a citrus fruit. (I saw it on Iron Chef once, so it must be real.)
lady finger: cookies for tiramisu.
buffalo wing: spicy chicken wing.
*hair of the dog: booze to cure a hangover.
**chicken finger: breaded, fried chicken breast strips

*This one’s iffy because the syntax doesn’t follow the rules. Technically, it should be dog hair.
**I’m on the fence about this one. Though not made of fingers, it is made of chicken—which goes against the first rule…

And Now for Something Completely Different

At lunch on Friday, somehow the conversation turned to The Gummi Bears, a cartoon from the early 90s.  The theme song has been stuck in my head since then.  And now it will be stuck in your head too.